I've tried to forget you. I've tried to move on. But every time I get anywhere close, memories come flooding back to me. People ask me what happened between us. I don't know how to answer them. Truth is, I don't even know what happened between us. One second we were great, the next you were gone.
“I’ve never felt like this before. I’m overwhelmed by an unbelievable amount of hatred for him, yet I couldn’t be more in love. It’s like I want to throw him out into traffic, then risk my life to save him.”—
One day, it all catches up with you. Every ended relationship, every tear shed, every broken heart. You pick up the pieces, you brush them off and you put them back together, only each time you need a little more glue. Then just like that, glue’s not enough anymore. The cracks, the holes, the shattered dreams? They’re a part of you. Try as you might, you can’t fix what’s been broken, and you can’t mend what’s been torn.
A family, Father, mother, son and daughter were happily eating dinner. Then to the daughter’s curiosity she asks her mother:
“Mom, what kind of Weenies are there?”
The Mother happily replies:
“Well dear, you see in the a man’s early 20’s they are firm and VERY reliable. IN their 30-40’s It’s losing it firmness but still reliable, BUT in the 50’s it’s like a christmas Tree, it’s deep from the roots and the balls are there for decorations” As she smiles to her husband
He gives her a Scoff
THEN to the son’s curiosity he asks his dad:
“Dad what kind of Boobies are there??”
The dad happily replies:
“Well Son, listen up! In a women’s 20’s they are like a ripe fruit, they are round and firm…very,very good! IN their 30-40’s they are like a pear, soft … but still reliable…”
As the dad gives a funny look to his wife
“….AND in their 50’s son…. they are like onions, you look at them and it makes you cry”
A woman goes over to her married son’s house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, “What the hell are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven’t made love in a while, so I wore it.” So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.” She goes home and her husband wasn’t home yet, so she undressed. Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband’s car. He walks in the front door and says, “What the f*** are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” says the wife. “Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”
A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn’t pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a sales man standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little ‘accident’, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”
He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to S H I T when I tell you the price.”
“One day when you’re happy with your life and just enjoying it, you’ll get an unexpected text. Maybe by this time you’ve already forgotten his number, maybe not. And it’ll be him, wanting to “talk”. Wait, hold up. Remember all those tears you shed, while he shed none. Remember those corny pick up lines, remember the hurt. Look at how happy you are now. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t answer that text.”—(via poeticheartache) (via iamprincenathan) (via thezombiewearspink) (via bronzbabyy) (via mcroooss)(via hollaatjobaby) (via strawberrypeach) (via correen)